Oh Mom. I wish you were here with me today. I know you aren’t in pain anymore, but it seems so unfair. You would have been 63 today. 63. So young to be taken away from all of us and all that you loved. Often times, I put you and your memory in a little box in the corner of my mind. I hate that I do that, but it’s so much easier to deal with. It’s easier to think that you are on a trip or away for awhile, and you’ll be back soon.

I love you so much. I am forever grateful that we grew close these past years. I miss your laugh. I miss they way you said things. I miss your advice and the phone calls. I miss the unexpected cards in the mail; how they brightened up my day. You were a rock. You always showed your love.

Jon and I got a house today. Oh, I wish I could have called you to share that with you. How excited  you would be! It’s so pretty, Mom, and big enough for us to live in for a long long time. You would laugh because it’s still in the 76016 zip code. This place has a hold on me and won’t let go, I guess.

Jon and I spent Saturday with Bill for Christmas. The weather was beautiful and such a wonderful day to get together. You were missed. I cried later that night crossing back over the Lake Fork Bridge. It’s the first time I’ve cried in a long time, and I couldn’t stop even if I’d tried. I miss you so much. This pain, it’s numb and it hurts, and I just wish I could touch you and hug you.

Happy Birthday, Mom. I hope that you enjoyed lots of singing and ate yourself some Bread Puddin’ today.

I love you so much.

Lisa ‘Nee

I think I have narrowed it down to #3, 4, and 7. I can’t stop looking at 7. It’s beautiful. I think I might use most of it, take away the leaf looking thing on the side, use some flowery designs from #3, and see what I can do about # 4, which may just end up being a design for a right hand ring in the future.

I’m sorry, but there is just nothing romantic about choosing an engagement ring. The person and love that goes with it? Yes. But endlessly pouring over magazines and websites in the search for a ring that you want to love when you are 85? All that has given me is a stress/anxiety induced, procrastinating, “what if i end up hating it?” ride to the nearest looney bin. At the end of the day, though, I can still sit back and feel giddy that I am getting to pick out an engagement ring with the man of my dreams. So, yeah, I’m still a sucker for the rose colored glasses romance stories.

My wonderful man suggested we start looking for rings, oh, about 3 months ago??? Yepper, 3 months. Have I found anything or gotten anywhere close? Nope! I really do want to find a ring so that we may get engaged properly after 2 1/2 + years, but I am a picky and actually feel quite whiny about the whole thing.

So, I have found about 7 rings that I like parts of, but not the whole thing. I want a vintage-antiquey kind of ring that I can feel like a beautiful bad ass in. Doesn’t every woman? In this case, size truly doesn’t matter, but quality and design do.

Go grab a coke or a beer and please help me with this painful dissection process of picking apart engagement rings. I’ve got to get an idea to a designer.

#1-I like the setting. It’s plain and simple, very pretty. I like the lines, and well, it’s just simple. I’m afraid, though, too simple.

#2-The complete square cut may be too trendy for a gal like me, but it’s still elegant. I like the emerald cut, though it could be princess or radiant cut, and that would be pretty, too. I like the pave setting. Did I mention I love pave and filigree, and anything else that is sparkly?

#3-I keep going back to this one. Well this one, and #4. I love the flowers, I love the design, but not too sure about the center diamond being totally flush. Still, I really like this one. It is something I see myself wearing.

#4-Ahh, #4. I like you, too. Bunches and bunches. It’s beautiful and similar in features to #3. I keep trying to envision putting a diamond into the middle of all that beautiful band, and I think it would ruin the look, but that doesn’t mean I can’t use parts of it when making my own ring.

#5-Hello pretty #5. I think I would feel like a princess with this on my finger. I love it. It’s similar to #1 but not being so plain.

#6-Not so much on this particular square diamond or maybe how it’s set, but I love the sides of this ring.

#7-I’m drawn to 7 so much, I had to put 2 views of it. It’s classy, it’s sparkly, it’s a little different. This is another one I keep going back to.

So, what’s a girl to do? I don’t think ring designers actually draw for you these days, so now I have to envision the whole thing. Well, that’s great, except what if transferring it from my brain to my finger results in chaos and an ugly ring?

So, pretty please, bring on the suggestions!

From her dark coccoon she emerges,

Unsteady on her feet.

Warily glancing at the world,

So unfamiliar.

Growing up,

She’s alive and free.

She stretches out her arms,

Beckoning the sun,

And curls up in a field of poppies.

I’ve had this blog for almost a month now, and I’m finally, after a gazillion years, making a post. I don’t know what will come of this, but I’m hoping with time, it will help me reflect, ponder, and just let it all hang out. I’m at a point in my life where, personally, I am happy and content. I love my man, I love my family and babies and friends, I like my job, I’m excited about house hunting, all the pieces of life.

Creatively, on the other hand, I suck. It’s all about used to’s. I used to paint, I used to do photography, I used to write poems, I used to do crafty stuff. Where the hell did all that go? Hello? Creativity? Hide n Seek is over, come out come out wherever you are! So, Miss Blog, help me out. Let’s get it in gear and get to gettin!